July 30th- The Day My Life Changed Forever

July 30th 2006 was the day my life changed forever. On that day my mother left this earth to be with God. Many have asked me how do I feel.. well that is a hard question to answer because I feel enormous sadness and a weird sense of relief. Relief because I know she won't suffer any more and sadness because she is no longer a physical being on this earth.

I've stated in a previous post that I was a "momma's boy". Now I no longer have that support in my life. Throughtout all of our battles she knew that I loved her and I never had to question that she loved me. This is a woman who raised me from 7 months old (as my biological mother was killed when I was 7 months) to almost 30. At first I wasn't sure how I would carry on when I was told the news of her passing, as it didn't seem real, but I know that GOD has a purpose for this and her death is somehow going to take me to another level. I trust and I believe that. I have what seem like a gazillion life decisions to make but instead of being irrational and just making changes I have decided to let God direct my steps. You never truly realize how much a person means to your life until they are no longer there. There were so many things I really wanted to say to my mother.. but who knew when I left for DC that it would be the last time I would see her alive.

I know this grief will never go away but I hope with time this grief will be the strength I need to carry me through life regardless of the circumstances. I could write so much more but I'm starting to cry just typing this so I will let it go for now.. my next post should not be so dark..LOL