Introspection... and what it all means
On Sunday June 25th I received news that one of my classmates was tragically killed in a motorcycle accident. He makes our 5th classmate to die in 12 years. I was shocked by the news and in all honesty it didn't even seem real. My former classmate and I weren't really close but we were cool and we had close friends in common. It was kind of weird hearing about his untimely death because it was only a few days earlier that I actually chatted with him briefly on IM.
Today I attended his funeral and during the funeral I mostly thought about myself and how life is truly a precious thing and no one knows their last day on earth. One of the main things I kept wondering was if Antwain served his purpose in life. Many of the speakers and friends of Antwain said he was a fearless young man who was not afraid to live life. As this theme kept ringing through the day I began to look inward and realized that I operate much of my life through fear. I'm not sure WHY I even do this. I know true believers in God should never operate in a spirit of fear, but almost everything in my life has been calculated to point. I rarely step outside and do things out of the ordinary. I don't even go to the store unless its planned...lol. I'll be the first to admit I am a boring and somewhat predictable person. I certainly wouldn't want to die tomorrow and have people describe me in that manner. I'm 29 and have so much to do and see. Even though I subconsciously knew this it took the death of a classmate to make me verbalize it and decide to do something about it and I AM going to put my trust in God and take that leap outside the box(whatever that may be). I hope to make my life meaningful not just to friends and family but mostly to myself and God. I pray that God will continue to reveal my purpose
I stated earlier that I kept wondering if Antwain served his purpose in life... well I'm not sure if he served HIS purpose but I can in retrospect say that for someone who I was not close with in high school or college that his death has forced me to realize some things about myself I was not ready to admit or not realized before. Antwain's death made me realize that life is not granted or guaranteed to anyone and it is up to the individual to make the most out of their time on earth. It was great to see a lot of old classmates that came to the funeral (even though one in particular kept pushing up on me..:(....)
R.I.P. Antwain and even though you will never know it.... thank you for showing me that living life to the fullest (and sometimes the edge) may not be such a bad thing.
Today I attended his funeral and during the funeral I mostly thought about myself and how life is truly a precious thing and no one knows their last day on earth. One of the main things I kept wondering was if Antwain served his purpose in life. Many of the speakers and friends of Antwain said he was a fearless young man who was not afraid to live life. As this theme kept ringing through the day I began to look inward and realized that I operate much of my life through fear. I'm not sure WHY I even do this. I know true believers in God should never operate in a spirit of fear, but almost everything in my life has been calculated to point. I rarely step outside and do things out of the ordinary. I don't even go to the store unless its planned...lol. I'll be the first to admit I am a boring and somewhat predictable person. I certainly wouldn't want to die tomorrow and have people describe me in that manner. I'm 29 and have so much to do and see. Even though I subconsciously knew this it took the death of a classmate to make me verbalize it and decide to do something about it and I AM going to put my trust in God and take that leap outside the box(whatever that may be). I hope to make my life meaningful not just to friends and family but mostly to myself and God. I pray that God will continue to reveal my purpose
I stated earlier that I kept wondering if Antwain served his purpose in life... well I'm not sure if he served HIS purpose but I can in retrospect say that for someone who I was not close with in high school or college that his death has forced me to realize some things about myself I was not ready to admit or not realized before. Antwain's death made me realize that life is not granted or guaranteed to anyone and it is up to the individual to make the most out of their time on earth. It was great to see a lot of old classmates that came to the funeral (even though one in particular kept pushing up on me..:(....)
R.I.P. Antwain and even though you will never know it.... thank you for showing me that living life to the fullest (and sometimes the edge) may not be such a bad thing.
posted by icecoldbrother at 6:38 PM
3 Comments:
I am so feeling you on this post. We can't worry so much that we forget to live.
Man I am sorry to hear this bro. Death is so certain so I make sure that I live without limitations on my life. I am glad that you have come to that realization at a young age.
I lost a friend in April to an untimely death and I can so relate. But I have come to terms with it and have realized that what is untimely to us as humans is on time in God's infinite wisdom. Perhaps his purpose was to get those who knew him to recognize that tomorrow isn't promised so live in today. Because in the end all that you accomplish here, all that you possess will be just a dash. Only those you touch will know the true meaning of that dash. What do you want your dash to say about you? It is not how much you have but how much you love.
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